enjoy every moment

plunged

I took the plunge!
I am not sure where this might take me, but I took it anyway.
I am living by the moment.
I chose the path where my heart leads me.

MC

My credit card got declined this evening. I was about to switch modes, from pa-sweety-teetums to a ferocious creature ready to devour the teller. But in the spirit of Christmas, I decided not to. I paid in cash instead.

I feel powerless without my credit card. When I lost my wallet, with all my credit cards in it, I felt gloomy. Like all the life was suck out of me. I can't go out. My usually boring life got worst. Just imagine the smile on my face, my lips stretched from one ear to another, when I finally got the replacement card! Wooohooo!!!

I see my credit card as a weapon - a weapon for my escape. When I'm sad, I shop, when I'm happy I shop. When I get bored of life, I shop. Almost 50% of my salary goes to credit card charges. Even if it's a 50 pesos item, I still use my credit card. My week wouldn't be complete without my credit card getting swiped. I usually shop for toiletries. Shampoos, conditioners, colognes.. usual kikay items. Next will be food. Occasionally, I eat at fine dining restaurants, even if I'm all by myself (talking about my boring life). There was a time when I went to this restaurant, ordered the best seller on their menu, ate like a queen and when I asked for the bill, I pulled out my credit card. To my surprise, the restaurant does not accept credit cards! Good thing I brought enough cash with me, or else, I would have ended up washing dishes that day. That's another thing why I always have my credit card with me, I do not bring large amount of money. I only bring enough amount for the day. So whenever I see something I like, I'd have to rely on my credit card. I seldom shop for clothes or shoes. I only buy clothes when they're on sale. However, if it's something I really can't resist, I have to admit, my hands get itchy in reaching my wallet.

Maybe I should give my credit card a name? Hhmm.. Maybe I'd call her MC (short for MasterCard)

Oh well, going back to where I started. My credit card got declined. I immediately called up their phone support to inquire about my balance. To my surprise (I always get surprised whenever I hear my outstanding balance), I already have exceeded my credit limit!

So for now, MC will be resting until I get my bills paid.

tears

She's thinking if she'd give him a message. Should she tell him that she's now crying? Should she tell him that she's now hurting. She just can't stop crying. She thought she's through with it all. After having spent her whole night with Vivian. She thought she had cried all her tears out last night, that none will be left today. She thought she has gathered all the courage. She thought it was going to be casual. Yes, it did. It went casually. No blank stares this time, no choking. Just a straight answer and a smile afterwards.

She's still crying, tears just won't stop.

Why is she crying. She still can' understand. Is she sad that they are parting? Is she sad that the chase is finally over? Is she sad for him? That he might lead a lonely life after having said her words.

Why does she always have to cry? She's sure that she did the right thing. She now realizes that doing the right thing could be painful.

She's crying but she can't tell anyone about her feelings. Who will she talk with? Nobody could ever relate to her situation. To her feelings, yes, some of her friends might understand, but her situation? Who will understand?

She wishes she could tell him, but will he understand?

The grief is like going over what happened a year ago. The same pain striking her chest. She hopes that this will be the last one. Oh, the tears just won't stop. Her hand trembling. She finds it hard to breathe. Her eyes blurry from crying.

In between sobs, she wishes that he'd be fine. She wishes him a good life. A life that she might only share with him only as a friend. She wishes that he might soon find someone who is deserving of his meaningful stares, of his hands that is always there for long walks. Someone who will share his passion for music, for movies, for eating out. Someone who will be there when he can't sleep at night, someone who will talk to him over the phone all night, or until he gets sleepy. Someone who will come over to their house on occasions such us town fiestas, birthdays, or just about any holiday. His mother cooks well, he will bring this special someone over to let her taste her mother's delectable dishes. Afterwards, he will bring that special someone over at his grandmother's place. He may be no lola's boy, but he adored his grandmother so much that he wanted his special someone to meet this great woman in his life. She wishes him to have someone that will come with him to churches. Someone who will say a little prayer with him. She wishes all the best thing for him. All the best.

She feels tired now. It seemed all the energy have gone drowned with her tears. Yet, she still cries. Could it be that she still love him? She wants to disregard the idea. Had the answer been yes, it'll be a never ending loop. She knows that there has to be an end somewhere, and no matter how sore it could get, she needs to. She has to do it.

before midnight

FPJ's Death

A mass for FPJ was going on as I turned on the TV. At the last part of the mass, his widow was called upon to give out her last words of gratitude. I was moved to tears as she delivered her words. She chose to dedicate her speech to the Lord Almighty.

While showing his funeral march, the TV networks inserted interviews of his friends and family. All were saying the same thing, on how great he was, his generosity, all describing him as a man with a big heart.

I'm no FPJ fan. I did not vote for him last election. I did not watch any of his movies. I didn't care about him, not until his death and funeral have made it in every headlines.

FPJ's death reminded me of how self-centered I am. Everything I did was for my own happiness only. Yes, I know I have been a good friend at some point, but only to those who are good to me. Yes, I do acts of kindness, but only if I'm in the mood. No, I don't rejoice over someone's misery, but if that someone happens to be my so-called not-so-friend, I'd have the tinge of satisfaction and my mind saying "serves you right! B*tch". I have not violated any of the 10 commandments, well except for the part where it says to remember the Sabbath day.

In his death, I started reflecting about my life. 24 years... where have all the years gone? What have I achieved? How do I rate as a daughter, as a sister or as a friend? Have I been a good Christian? What do I tell God if He asked me about my accomplishments?

FPJ's death turned out to be a realization for me. That life is short. That life without compassion for others is meaningless. That the real meaning of giving and helping is an act that does not expect something in return. That it's not too late to start.

FPJ's death wanted to pass on a message to me - that I should start living.

christmas

6 days to go before christmas!

Christmas Party 2004

**click on images to enlarge**

buhay aswang

Martin just got busted by Vivian.

O well, eto ang buhay ko sa ngayon - ang mag-ubos ng oras sa harapan ng telebisyon. I am on a night shift for this month, unfortunately. That's why I need to develop the abilities of an aswang! Buhay at namamayagpag sa gabi, dead to the world by day. Hopefully, I don't convert into one.

Starting from TV patrol, switching to Saksi every commercials. Once kristala hits the tube, the tv will then become solely be monopolized by channel 2 (kapamilya ang lola ko e) Kasalanang mortal ang maglipat ng channel kahit pa commercial. Bawal magkwentuhan kapag nagsisimula nang magdrama sina kris aquino, heart evangelista etcetera. Ang lola, kahit papungas pungas na ang mga mata sa antok, hihintayin pa rin matapos ang mga teleseryeng kaniyang inaabangan. Buti na lang, na-urong sa mas maagang time slot ang mga ito recently.

After the teleseryes, ako na ang may-ari ng tv! Hbo, star tv, wowow, axn, arirang, cnn etcetera. Nanonood, pero wala namang pinapanood, palipat lipat lang ng channels. Without realizing it, it's 6am na pala! Breakfast time na. Afterwards, matutulog na ako, tirik na kase ang araw. Baka malapnos na ang balat ko.

monday morning

a photoshoped picture of me.

*******

monday morning,
6:30am in my pc's clock
morning rush in my radio,
have had two cases,
said my goodbyes and best wishes to a good friend who's leaving for US,
thinking if i'd buy the ray ban shades i saw at landmark

me and my vain workmates

***these pics were taken using my new sony vaio tr3a.

*** too lazy to write ...

the visit

visited the blooming mom yesterday at her in-laws' haus in cabuyao.

lani and i were supposed to have gone to the podium. i cancelled our gig earlier since i got no sleep for the past 24 hours. later in the afternoon, at around 5pm, i called her up to apologize (i was able to get a three hour sleep then). she said it's okay and out of nowhere, we were talking about going to greys' place. so impulsive, that we both agreed in a snap to go and visit greys. i told her that i'd just take a shower and will meet her in front of jollibee.

i was ready after 40 minutes. i hesitated to wait in front of jollibee since it was too bright there, i feel like im in a spotlight. i waited in front of shakey's instead. i txted her that i am waiting in front of shakey's. 15 minutes after, she came.

lani:  hoy bru, kanina pa ko dun sa jollibee, kung ano ano na
nga nabili ko, pati kalendaryo nila

cutie: nag text ako noh, sabi ko in front of shakey's na lang.

lani was with her kuya and sis-in-law. we bid them goodbye and got in a jeep. grabe.. soo traffic! i took us an hour's travel to reach cabuyao.

we first went to her parents haus in burgos street. called her up and she said she's at her in-laws. she instructed us to take a tricycle and she will text her exact address. we got her txt message in minute or two and told the driver the address. the driver stopped in front of san antonio de padua church along the national highway.

lani:  manong, bakit dito???

driver: kala ko ho ba dito?

lani:  ha??? ang linaw linaw ng sabit namin sa yo a!!! saint francis
subdivision!!! hindi mo ba nadinig???  (in bella flores mode)

driver:  ahh, dun ho ba? e lampas na tayo.  balik na lang tayo

lani: [grumbling] @%&*&^%!!!!

greys was already in her pajamas when we came. she led us into the bahay kubo of front of the haus.

so there we go, chika chika, like we've never seen each other for years. 
we insisted to see keona, but she's sleeping already.  greys served suman
her mom-in-law made.  we left at 10:30pm.

*******

lani and i had plans on going to the spa this thursday.  everything's set,
the time she'll pick me up at haus, the hours we'd spent at the spa, etc etc...
however, my period just came in, dyahe.  i called her up and said that i
cant go with her.  she said we can't cancel our spa trip.  she advised
me to drink at least half a bottle of beer so my period would would go full
blast, and that will leave me bloodless by thursday.

i hope lani's bright idea would work.

me and my wicked sister

these shots were all taken last friday.

nanay and i fetched my wicked sister on her dormitory, in dasmarinas, cavite. went to sm dasma afterwards and had late lunch at kfc.

*******

as for this day, nanay, me and my wicked sister headed to megamall to buy a laptop. yipee yay yipee yo!

RM was already there when we arrived. she has already made rounds with the laptops on the 4th floor of megamall. we made another round, compared prices, etc. we both came up with the Sony VAIO PCG-TR3AP. cool! since nanay and i forgot to bring the cash, RM paid 10K for both of us as down payment. we will be back on tuesday to get our laptops. im so excited na!